When There Is More Than One Opinion On What to Do Next, What Do You Do Next?

                Mom is doing well, having a caregiver come into her house to visit with her once a week. The idea, of course, is to have the care-giver there to do the things that are hard for Mom to do on her own. Pulling the bed clothes, doing larger cleaning projects, cooking meals that involve more than the microwave, etc.
           Mom now knows that Saturday is the day when Sharon (not her real name) arrives. So Mom tries to make sure the house is clean before she gets there. On one hand, it misses the point. On the other hand, however, it’s just fine. Mom always had a spotless house. This gives her a particular reason to keep things ‘just so.’
           Some of us want to ramp up the care-giver’s responsibilities by having her come in two days a week. Then three days a week, and so on. Others are not as anxious to make that move. Money is not a motivating factor. It’s not the expense. It is the idea that Mom is losing more autonomy.
           Do we continue to take more of her self-reliance and autonomy away from her in the name of ‘protecting’ her?  It is not an easy call. No one is pushing back from adding the second day each week with their words. But there is not a clear agreement between all three of us (and we are all named as the attorney-in-fact, in succession).  So we’re not sure of the next step.

One thing we have in our favor is that we are talking. Communication is very important, even if you don’t agree on everything.  Keep the lines of communication open between all who are helping to make the decisions for your loved one. Include that loved one if at all possible.

          As for us, we’ll have an answer. Soon. I’m sure.      

Taking the Best Option Available

Taking care of our mom has been my brothers’ and my priority for months now. The question has been how to do it. Mom gets around on her own, though not as quickly as she once did. She takes care of herself, but not with the ease that accompanied her in more youthful days. So how do we help when we know she isn’t crazy about the idea of seeking help or asking for help?

If you’ve followed our journey at all, you know that we have tried having an in-home caregiver visit Mom at her house. In fact, we’ve tried it twice with no success. After conferring with each other, the three of us boys decided “one more try” was what we needed, only this time, we would be there for the entire first visit (Hey, even baseball gives you three strikes before you’re out!).

Our third try was decidedly more successful. We worked with Comfort Keepers, a national organization which is available in most areas. Comfort Keepers sent out their caregiver as well as the ‘intake’ person who helped familiarize Mom with their services. It was a little awkward for Mom, having a ‘stranger’ in her house. But with my one brother and me there, we were able to keep things moving in the right direction. The intake person left after about an hour, leaving three hours for my mom and the caregiver, I’ll call her “Mabel” for this writing, to get acquainted.

By the end of her first shift in Mom’s house, Mabel and Mom were getting along quite well. Mom even struggled out of her chair to give Mabel a hug. It was sweet. Mom’s words to the three of us, after Mabel was gone, were reassuring:

“I don’t think I need someone here to help me, but you three do. I guess, if that’s the way it has to be, then it’s okay with me. I like Mabel.”

We’re now happily moving forward. Presently it is one day a week -- each Saturday. This will, hopefully, turn into two days a week, then three, then more.

Please let us know if you have any questions concerning caring for your loved one.  We can be reached at info@mateyalaw.com.  We look forward to hearing from you.